Hello, this is Ili. I decided to write a horror one shot. Somehow it turned out to be worst than I expected. so... I need you to give me your opinion. Correct me if I'm wrong.
On 23rd December 2007
7. 35 a.m.
It was a beautiful day along with the birds chirping and the orchestra music echoing in my head. The temperature was just perfect and huge waves were breaking on the shore; perfect for surfing. Squirrels were running around being chased by dogs while I would lie on the bed taking this opportunity to take a quick nap. The scent of flowers that blooms in the morning was refreshing. The restaurant or more to a cafe which where I work would open at 5.30 p.m. and closed at 3 a.m. The life of a 23-year-old man who lives solitary life was just fine and filled with freedom. No girlfriend to tell you what to do and no wife to tell you what to buy and telling you to skip the football match in the middle of the night or ranted at you for putting your feat on the coffee table. Just freedom. The clouds in the sky awakened the reminiscence of my ex-girlfriend who died on an accident in the airplane on her way to Georgetown.
8.30 a.m.
“Elevator” the voice stopped “Elevator” the voice continued. It was a women’s voice but I can’t put the finger who’s is it. She kept saying the same thing and… Bam! The elevators door closed. It went up and down aggressively and I was struggling to put my feat up. The hair on the back of my neck was standing and sweats role down my spine. I heard shrikes out of no where and the button of the elevator was all out of control. It randomly blinked from number one to number five and stopped at the number four. The chaotic moment ended and silent replace instead. Slowly as the elevator door opened along with the screeching sound followed by the sound of rain pattered from the sky which generated a draughty feeling. On the other side of the elevator was pitch black and the air was heavy. I felt a bit claustrophobic. The only source of light was from the elevator. What’s this? Something soft landed at the back of my hair. Slowly as I looked up and I see… Ring! My alarm rang. I woke up from the nightmare and was gasping for air.
4.29 p.m.
I gussied up for work and walked outside the door. The condominium was always noisy at this hour. I secured my cosy house which was my only sanctuary and made sure that everything was in a perfect condition. I wore my shoes and walked downstairs and off I go to work.
12.43 p.m
As rain pattered on the window pane, I gazed upon the window. I mumbled, “Out of the blue…” I stopped, “and in spite of that, how in the world would I reach home without an umbrella,” I sighed.
3.58 a.m.
I managed to reach the building which where I lived safely. I was soaking wet. I approached the stairs and was hoping that no one would see me in this condition. On the contrary, a cleaner showed up out of no where and told me to take the elevator instead because she just mopped the stairs. “Now listen to me young man, you might fall and I’ll be blame for that. Take the elevator!” said the middle age woman. I hesitated and in the end I decided to agree with the women.
4.05 a.m.
The elevator door opened as if it’s welcoming me. I took a front step in and another one. I pushed the close button. I thought “I wanna drink hot cocoa before I went to bed”. I pushed the number six button and waited… I waited… I waited and yet still the elevator door remains shut. When I looked up… I gasped. The elevator was on level 444! The elevator stopped. From that moment, I knew that I wouldn’t get to drink the hot cocoa that I wanted, in fact, maybe forever! The door opened and I could feel the similar feeling from my previous dream.
4.15 a.m.
When I looked outside, I see nothing; it was dark. Then, I heard something… Something dragging… Drag… Drag… My heart thumped as if it’s going to pop out of my chest. And there, right over there, I saw… A hand suddenly appeared from the darkness; dragging the whole body on the floor. Drag… Drag… Something… Something… Starred at me eerily. Hair… Hair… I saw a long hair. Then, I saw a head facing the floor. Quickly as I pushed the close button. I was terrified and shivering with fear. I pushed the button rapidly but still the door won’t close. The ‘thing’ was getting closer and closer. Until it reached a few centimeters away on the other side of the elevator. I was still pushing the button rapidly. The ‘thing was reaching for me and thank god… the door immediately closed. I fell to the ground; hyperventilating. Gasp! Gasp! Gasp! I was shivering crazily. Tears were streaming from my eyes.
4.49 a.m.
I was sitting on the floor of the elevator. I felt weak like a hopeless puppy. Very weak, indeed. “I’m safe… I’m safe,” I thought. Then, I felt something soft at the back of my hair. When I looked up… I saw… I saw… A corpse with a scary face glaring at me while ‘it’s’ hair landed at the back of my hair… “Please… Please… Have mercy,” I cried. The thing shoved its hand; reaching for me. “Have merc-….”.
On 30th December.
The newspaper came out. The police station was getting busy and busier. A policeman went to his friend and said “Hey Fred! Find anything?”. “Nah, I don’t have a clue at all. But, it says here that the man was on his way to his home and suddenly vanished,” answered Fred. “I wonder what happened...?”
On 23rd December 2007
7. 35 a.m.
It was a beautiful day along with the birds chirping and the orchestra music echoing in my head. The temperature was just perfect and huge waves were breaking on the shore; perfect for surfing. Squirrels were running around being chased by dogs while I would lie on the bed taking this opportunity to take a quick nap. The scent of flowers that blooms in the morning was refreshing. The restaurant or more to a cafe which where I work would open at 5.30 p.m. and closed at 3 a.m. The life of a 23-year-old man who lives solitary life was just fine and filled with freedom. No girlfriend to tell you what to do and no wife to tell you what to buy and telling you to skip the football match in the middle of the night or ranted at you for putting your feat on the coffee table. Just freedom. The clouds in the sky awakened the reminiscence of my ex-girlfriend who died on an accident in the airplane on her way to Georgetown.
8.30 a.m.
“Elevator” the voice stopped “Elevator” the voice continued. It was a women’s voice but I can’t put the finger who’s is it. She kept saying the same thing and… Bam! The elevators door closed. It went up and down aggressively and I was struggling to put my feat up. The hair on the back of my neck was standing and sweats role down my spine. I heard shrikes out of no where and the button of the elevator was all out of control. It randomly blinked from number one to number five and stopped at the number four. The chaotic moment ended and silent replace instead. Slowly as the elevator door opened along with the screeching sound followed by the sound of rain pattered from the sky which generated a draughty feeling. On the other side of the elevator was pitch black and the air was heavy. I felt a bit claustrophobic. The only source of light was from the elevator. What’s this? Something soft landed at the back of my hair. Slowly as I looked up and I see… Ring! My alarm rang. I woke up from the nightmare and was gasping for air.
4.29 p.m.
I gussied up for work and walked outside the door. The condominium was always noisy at this hour. I secured my cosy house which was my only sanctuary and made sure that everything was in a perfect condition. I wore my shoes and walked downstairs and off I go to work.
12.43 p.m
As rain pattered on the window pane, I gazed upon the window. I mumbled, “Out of the blue…” I stopped, “and in spite of that, how in the world would I reach home without an umbrella,” I sighed.
3.58 a.m.
I managed to reach the building which where I lived safely. I was soaking wet. I approached the stairs and was hoping that no one would see me in this condition. On the contrary, a cleaner showed up out of no where and told me to take the elevator instead because she just mopped the stairs. “Now listen to me young man, you might fall and I’ll be blame for that. Take the elevator!” said the middle age woman. I hesitated and in the end I decided to agree with the women.
4.05 a.m.
The elevator door opened as if it’s welcoming me. I took a front step in and another one. I pushed the close button. I thought “I wanna drink hot cocoa before I went to bed”. I pushed the number six button and waited… I waited… I waited and yet still the elevator door remains shut. When I looked up… I gasped. The elevator was on level 444! The elevator stopped. From that moment, I knew that I wouldn’t get to drink the hot cocoa that I wanted, in fact, maybe forever! The door opened and I could feel the similar feeling from my previous dream.
4.15 a.m.
When I looked outside, I see nothing; it was dark. Then, I heard something… Something dragging… Drag… Drag… My heart thumped as if it’s going to pop out of my chest. And there, right over there, I saw… A hand suddenly appeared from the darkness; dragging the whole body on the floor. Drag… Drag… Something… Something… Starred at me eerily. Hair… Hair… I saw a long hair. Then, I saw a head facing the floor. Quickly as I pushed the close button. I was terrified and shivering with fear. I pushed the button rapidly but still the door won’t close. The ‘thing’ was getting closer and closer. Until it reached a few centimeters away on the other side of the elevator. I was still pushing the button rapidly. The ‘thing was reaching for me and thank god… the door immediately closed. I fell to the ground; hyperventilating. Gasp! Gasp! Gasp! I was shivering crazily. Tears were streaming from my eyes.
4.49 a.m.
I was sitting on the floor of the elevator. I felt weak like a hopeless puppy. Very weak, indeed. “I’m safe… I’m safe,” I thought. Then, I felt something soft at the back of my hair. When I looked up… I saw… I saw… A corpse with a scary face glaring at me while ‘it’s’ hair landed at the back of my hair… “Please… Please… Have mercy,” I cried. The thing shoved its hand; reaching for me. “Have merc-….”.
On 30th December.
The newspaper came out. The police station was getting busy and busier. A policeman went to his friend and said “Hey Fred! Find anything?”. “Nah, I don’t have a clue at all. But, it says here that the man was on his way to his home and suddenly vanished,” answered Fred. “I wonder what happened...?”
5 comments:
absolutely creepy story..urgh...but so gud! keep it up girl! :3
rly? Cause I dun think it's creepy at all
Sort of creepy~ Err, vocabulary is okay but you have to work slightly on your grammar. K, that's it for now.
K, thx. I kno cause I'm very week in grammar.
Wow!so scaring me hehehe.....
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